Close your eyes. Do
it. Take two deep breaths. Picture yourself at 12 years old. It’s summer.
You’re wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
You look around and you see all of your friends with you. They’re laughing. You’re all laughing. Why?
Because you’re 12 years old and it’s summer. That’s why.
The only thing you had to worry about was whether or not there was more
iced tea in the house and if your sunburn would peel. What’s that buzzing noise in the
background? It’s getting louder. Now it’s drowning out all of the laughter
around you. That enigmatic noise is
making the world in front of your eyes disappear.
That noise is an alarm clock. You’re not really 12. It’s 4:30 a.m. and you have to get up and get
ready for work. You’re an adult. It was just a dream. Gone are the days when
all I had to think about was whether or not to paint my toenails to match my
fingernails (Lime green). Gone are the
days when I giggled about my high school crush and whether or not he’d like my
new hair cut (He said he did, but I think he was lying.).
Credit scores. Taxes. 401Ks. Company Stock Purchase.
Loans. Insurance. Resumes and cover letters. Paying bills.
Savings accounts. Retirement. Children.
Car payments. These are the
things that you have to think about now.
Unless you’re a millionaire and can afford it, most of us don’t have the
time to sit and think about iced tea and sun burn.
Now I have responsibilities.
Who has time to be carefree when the world is turning and you’re getting
older? The world is so fast paced when
you’re older. Plus you have to know so much stuff. It’s exhausting. Why
did I have to sit through Algebra 2 and AP Bio in high school when all of these
other things were what I should’ve been taught?
Nowhere in my day-to-day life have I ever used numeric proofs or had to
know the exact steps that plants take to go through photosynthesis. I’m 27 years old now and I have to
contemplate paying for “Permanent Dismemberment” on my health insurance.
Now, I buy my own groceries.
Pay for the gas in my car. Pay for
a credit card. Pay for my rent and
utilities. Pay for car insurance and
health insurance and renters insurance and all
the insurance for all the stuff all the time. Grownups don’t even get money in their
birthday cards!
I used to believe that once I was ‘out on my own’ life would
be great. I could do what I want,
whenever I wanted. I could go
anywhere. Be anyone. While that may still be true, at the same
time, it’s not. I can only do what I
want when I have the time. When I’m not
obligated to go to work or an appointment.
I can only go anywhere I want if I have my bills paid for the month and
I have enough money to get to put gas in my car. While I can still be anyone I want to be,
right now I have to be someone who is employed with a constant paycheck. It’s all a constant obligation.
I still have hope though.
I try to look for the little things that keep the child in me
alive. Disney movies. Music from the
90s. I even paint my toenails the same lime green from all those years
ago.
Oh, and about the prunes my Mum mentioned. Grownups have to think about crap like that…
