Every parent/grandparent has been there. That uncomfortable moment when
something a young child says makes you feel dumber than dirt. And with a child
as precocious as Elijah, I’m in that moment more often than I like to admit. The
child soaks up knowledge like a sponge. Remembers everything he’s told, except
how to stay out of things he’s not supposed to be in, and constantly asks
questions about it (refer to previous blog about that). You have to read on to see
what I mean.
I was playing a fishing game with him recently and when he “caught” a
whale shark, I screamed “Look out, Elijah, that shark is gonna chew you up!” He
gave me his patient look, the one that makes me wonder if he’s actually an
adult in a child’s body, and replied, “Yaya, whale sharks don’t use their teeth
to eat. They are filter feeders.” Um, ok. Yes, I asked. “What is a filter
feeder?” I’m thinking, gotcha, brain child! “They eat plankton through their
gills when they swim.” Thank you, Wild Kratts, for the idiot moment I just
suffered.
While looking to add to his collection of dinosaurs, we scoped out the
toy store’s offerings one weekend. “Look at this cool Raptor, E.” says I. “You
don’t have one of these.” With a heavy, exaggerated sigh, he says, “Yaya,
that’s not a Raptor. It’s an Allosaurus. Raptors are small. An Allosaurus is
HUGE!” I see I’m going to have to pay a little more attention to Dinosaur
Train, which is responsible for this bit of stupidity.
I sleep with a stuffed dog named Rufus. Yes, I admit it. He’s a gift I
cherish. One afternoon Elijah and I were hanging out in my bedroom and Rufus’
origin came into the conversation. I explained how I got him for Christmas from
his Auntie Debbie and that he’s very special to me. “I don’t like him.” Says Elijah.
“Well, he really loves you.” I replied. He gives me a very serious look, as if
trying to determine my intelligence level, and says, “Yaya, he’s not real. He’s
a pretend dog and they can’t love people because they’re not alive.” Well, gee.
My only pet has been fake all these years and I didn’t know it?
I was teaching the boy letters and numbers not too long ago and he
asked me, “Yaya, how do you know so much stuff?” “I learned it in school, baby.”
He considered that and asked, “Yaya school?” “No, just regular school and
college. You’ll be starting school in a couple of months and someday you will
know even more than me.” He kind of laughed and informed me “I know I will.” Should
have offered him chocolate instead of encouragement.
I give up. I can’t win. And he’s only four. What will I do when he’s
ten? Or fifteen? I used to be competent. I had all the answers to his
questions. Now I’m finding out that I’m just an average person with no idea how
to keep up with his ever expanding quest for knowledge. I’m going back to
school. I’m starting back at Grade One and working up from there. Maybe then I’ll
have the skills to keep up with him. Or not.
