An Inch Shy of Stupid

Every parent/grandparent has been there. That uncomfortable moment when something a young child says makes you feel dumber than dirt. And with a child as precocious as Elijah, I’m in that moment more often than I like to admit. The child soaks up knowledge like a sponge. Remembers everything he’s told, except how to stay out of things he’s not supposed to be in, and constantly asks questions about it (refer to previous blog about that). You have to read on to see what I mean.

I was playing a fishing game with him recently and when he “caught” a whale shark, I screamed “Look out, Elijah, that shark is gonna chew you up!” He gave me his patient look, the one that makes me wonder if he’s actually an adult in a child’s body, and replied, “Yaya, whale sharks don’t use their teeth to eat. They are filter feeders.” Um, ok. Yes, I asked. “What is a filter feeder?” I’m thinking, gotcha, brain child! “They eat plankton through their gills when they swim.” Thank you, Wild Kratts, for the idiot moment I just suffered.

While looking to add to his collection of dinosaurs, we scoped out the toy store’s offerings one weekend. “Look at this cool Raptor, E.” says I. “You don’t have one of these.” With a heavy, exaggerated sigh, he says, “Yaya, that’s not a Raptor. It’s an Allosaurus. Raptors are small. An Allosaurus is HUGE!” I see I’m going to have to pay a little more attention to Dinosaur Train, which is responsible for this bit of stupidity.

I sleep with a stuffed dog named Rufus. Yes, I admit it. He’s a gift I cherish. One afternoon Elijah and I were hanging out in my bedroom and Rufus’ origin came into the conversation. I explained how I got him for Christmas from his Auntie Debbie and that he’s very special to me. “I don’t like him.” Says Elijah. “Well, he really loves you.” I replied. He gives me a very serious look, as if trying to determine my intelligence level, and says, “Yaya, he’s not real. He’s a pretend dog and they can’t love people because they’re not alive.” Well, gee. My only pet has been fake all these years and I didn’t know it?

I was teaching the boy letters and numbers not too long ago and he asked me, “Yaya, how do you know so much stuff?” “I learned it in school, baby.” He considered that and asked, “Yaya school?” “No, just regular school and college. You’ll be starting school in a couple of months and someday you will know even more than me.” He kind of laughed and informed me “I know I will.” Should have offered him chocolate instead of encouragement.

I give up. I can’t win. And he’s only four. What will I do when he’s ten? Or fifteen? I used to be competent. I had all the answers to his questions. Now I’m finding out that I’m just an average person with no idea how to keep up with his ever expanding quest for knowledge. I’m going back to school. I’m starting back at Grade One and working up from there. Maybe then I’ll have the skills to keep up with him. Or not.