Why Parenting a Young Child At My Age Is Not a Good Idea

As you all know, my daughter and her six-year-old son, Elijah, live with me. If you don’t know, then you don’t read many of my blogs and you should be. With my daughter’s new work schedule, I am taking an even more active role in Elijah’s day-to-day care. Getting him ready for bed. Getting him ready for school and all that entails. Driving him to before care. Taking care of him on the weekends. It’s a huge adjustment and I’ve realized now why God in his infinite wisdom decided to cut off childbearing for women at a certain age.

Number one is lack of patience. As you get older you are supposed to gain it but when dealing with a child, especially this one, I’ve learned that I have less than I had when my own kids were his age. Probably because he is a boy and another part because he is a little more…or a lot more…to handle than they were. Into EVERYTHING. Curious about EVERYTHING. Wanting EVERYTHING. I’m exhausted beyond belief at the end of the day.

Of course there is a lack of energy. Because see paragraph above.

Number three would be lack of free time. I’m used to picking up and going wherever, whenever. Now I have to make sure Elijah is wearing clean clothes, doesn’t have snot or something equally gross on his face and goes pee before we get out the door. Oh, and everywhere we go, he has to be wearing something weird. A ninja mask. A sword or two tucked into the back of his shirt. A turtle shell with a strange hat or shoes. And God forbid if he should happen to leave something behind. That is EPIC. When we arrive at wherever, whenever, I have to get him out of the car. Now with normal kids, this isn’t a problem. You open the back door, unbuckle the child and get to where you want to be. With him, you have to argue about why swords/guns/toys have to stay in the car. “Because weapons are not allowed in public places.” or “They’ll think you stole that power ranger if you take it in the store”. Or “BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!!” Which is usually how it ends up.

Next would be a lack of ideas. Because Elijah is so gosh darn precocious, it takes a lot of activities to keep him occupied and out of trouble. He’s always bored (insert annoying, whiny voice here). And when he’s bored, he gets into a lot of trouble. You can read previous blogs to see the numerous ways he gets himself in hot water. So I need to come up with good ideas to stimulate his already overactive brain. Especially with the cold winter we just had and the so-far rainy spring. As a for instance, this past weekend, it was raining. What to do, what to do? One of the ideas was travel. Not outside. In his bedroom. We sat on his bed, pulled the blankets over our faces, “blasted off” (there was a lot of boy spit involved in this) and landed in another location. We went to a farm, the Amazon Rain Forest and to the moon, among other equally fabulous places. Then we described what we were “seeing.” Fun. And imaginative, if I do say so myself. Well done, Yaya.

 Then we played hide and seek. With a conversation that went like this:

Elijah: “I’m hiding, Yaya. You need to find me.”

Me: “Ok.” Not moving from my spot lying on the floor. Due to aforementioned lack of energy.

Elijah: “Are you looking for me?”

Me: “Yup.” Still not moving.

Elijah: “Um, you actually have to get up to look for me.”

Me: “Mmmhmm. Looking.”

Elijah: Gets up and tells me with a loud laugh…”I was under my covers the whole time!!!”

Me: “I know. I saw you hide there. If you want to really hide, you can’t let the other person see where you go.”

Elijah: “Oh.”

Fortunately, I am blessed with the talent to do two things at once, like nap and play games simultaneously.

My other activity ideas include going to Toy’s R Us, which he thinks is so cool. It’s like going to visit a friend who has pretty much every single toy in the world. One weekend we spent at the local swamp doing a tour, which was the “absolute coolest.” Snakes and junk. Next weekend is the annual visit to the zoo. I’m really beginning to hate the zoo but it keeps him amused so who’s to argue. At this point, I’ll do anything legal. Because you can only watch so much television.

Ah, then there is a lack of sleep. The boy NEVER sleeps through the night. In fact, when he does, I give him a treat. Or a dollar. Hey, I’m not above bribing the child so I can get some rest. But he either has to pee (must have the smallest bladder in the history of six-year-olds), has a bad dream or is cold. Or he just had a thought that I needed to hear immediately. I mean like right now. At 3:00 a.m.

Lastly, there is a lack of blog time. But then again, with him, I have an unlimited amount of things to blog about so I guess there is a payoff. When I get the time. I have a lot of sticky notes with ideas written down. Maybe someday…

So that’s why I quit having babies after I hit twenty-five. I’m sure my daughters are relieved. But not as much as I am. Because this is harder than you think.