Happy Mother's Day

Sometimes, when I think about celebrating Mother's Day, I get two sides going. One is a happy side. The other is not so much. I find it to be a time of reflection. For instance...

A lot of times, I know that I could have been a better mom. I wish I would have done things differently. Ah, hindsight and all that 20/20 stuff.

On the positive side? I have two beautiful daughters. They are intelligent and caring. And gorgeous. I'm very blessed.

My mother is no longer with me. I wish I could hug her today. I wish I could tell her how much she meant to me.

But on the positive side? I have so many good memories of my mom and the times we spent together. I know she loved me. And she was a wonderful, ditzy, loving person. I was blessed.

My mother figure (hello, Theresa!) lives far away from me. It would be so awesome to be able to take her out to lunch or just go to her place with a gift. Give her a hug.

But on the positive side? I have Facebook. I can look at her any time I want. See what's going on in her life on a daily basis. I have email. I can send her a message whenever. I have a cell phone. I can just call her up. I am blessed.

I prefer to look at the positive side and not dwell on the negative. Negativity is a waste of time, especially with all of the blessings that I have in my life.

So Happy Mother's day to all of y'all out there. Enjoy your day. Love your kids. Count your blessings. And share all the love you have in your heart.

The Diagnosis

We have known for quite some time that things with Elijah weren't quite right. As my readers know from my blogs, he is a precocious, energetic child. Very intelligent and interested in a lot of things that children his age usually aren't interested in. Most kids like fire trucks. Elijah is interested in how fire trucks are built. A lot of boys are interested in garbage trucks. He takes his interest down to the bare bones...where they are made, the various components of constructing a truck. And has done so since he was about four.

While most kids have temper tantrums, Elijah had serious meltdowns. It was during a regular checkup at the pediatrician's office that a meltdown requiring both Deanna and I to literally hold him, kicking and screaming on our laps, that showed his doctor that he had a problem. She advised us to get him checked by a psychologist, concerned that he had a deeper issue than just fearsome fours. The appointment with the psychologist, in turn, gave us entrance into the scary realm of ADHD. Because he was so young, nothing could be done for him other than behavioral therapy that we had to do at home.

When he started kindergarten, trouble started on day one. He refused to sit. He didn't want to do the work required. He raced around the room. Still, because he was only five, nothing could be done for him medically. We decided to go the holistic route. A friend recommended a product called Focus Attention Powder by Nature's Sunshine. It is full of vitamins and supplements that had an instant positive affect on our boy. So much so that with it, the help of a wonderful kindergarten teacher and kindly advice from our friend (also a teacher) Imagination Mover Scott, he graduated to first grade. Something we feared would not happen.

As Elijah entered first grade last fall, he was doing well for the first few months. Frustration soon set in, though, and he began to fall behind. For such an intelligent boy, this was difficult to watch. Homework time became a serious battle. He voiced his difficulties with violence and hatred toward us, his teacher and fellow classmates. We began our meetings with the teacher, guidance counselor and principal of the school. And we made an appointment with a psychiatrist. All who were very helpful in our quest to help Elijah reach the potential we knew he had.

His school set up remedial classes in math (which he had the most difficulty with) and occupational therapy to assist with his handwriting, which is abysmal. A side note on that: the boy is left handed but, because none of the kids in his kindergarten class wrote with their left hands, he refused to do so. Still does. He eats left handed, throws a ball with his left and catches things the same way. But he will not put a pencil in it to write. So I guess he will have to work a little harder than most if he insists on being a right-hander.

His appointment with the new psychiatrist we found confirmed the ADHD diagnosis. He is now on medication to help him control his impulsiveness and learning issues. It's been quite a ride trying to get the correct dosage for his particular needs. We've finally gotten there. For the moment anyway. This will change as he continues to grow, as most with ADHD children can attest. And we will continue to ride that horse as long as we need to.

Testing also unfortunately revealed that he has a condition called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD for short. Children with this disorder have difficulty regulating their emotions and are highly emotionally reactive to situations. In Elijah's case, he doesn't react well to being disciplined or in any type of negative situation. ODD children also have a lot of trouble handling frustration, which comes out in the form of tantrums or, in his case, extremely ugly behavior. Name calling, authoritative defiance. He also tends to turn it inward in the form of lacking confidence, believing he is stupid and worthless. The only cure for that part is positive reinforcement. And the therapy he begins next week. His new therapist will teach him how to deal with his frustration and anger issues.

And so, we carry on. With the help of the school folks, therapists, friends and neighbors, we will get through all of this. The saying is that it takes a village to raise a child. In Elijah's case, it's going to take a whole city. But we'll do it. With love, patience and a whole lot of faith.

Precious Child

There’s nothing more precious to me than watching a child, especially Elijah, doing something they enjoy. Learning a new skill. Watching nature. Seeing something up close for the first time. Elijah is doing a lot of that lately as we stay with friends in the country.

 Living in the city doesn’t show you much of what nature has to offer. Unless you’re at a park or a zoo. Where we are staying, it is true country. We spent a while yesterday watching a squirrel eating nuts…

                                           

And then we watched a hummingbird eating out of his feeder. The pictures took a while to get since those little suckers fly a million miles an hour.

We have friends who own a horse farm and, being from the city, Elijah has never been close to a real live horse. He’s fascinated. Not only by the animals themselves but also from watching our friend jumping them over standards in shows. Here’s a few shots of him feeding a several of them apples…

                   

Apparently there is always farm stuff to do. He helped rake up the wood chips that go in the horse’s stalls. Just picked up the rake and went to work.

Even at the house we are staying at there is a lot of work to do. And he jumps right in (being the hardworking boy that he is)…

And follows along to learn the ropes…

He rode a tractor a long time ago. I think he was about 18-months-old or thereabouts. I’m sure he has no memory of it so this was pretty dang exciting…

I am so thankful to my friends for allowing him to have this experience that has been so exciting to him. And to me, especially when he asks if he can go outside and I can say “Yes, you can.”

Attention Target Team Members

Since things have gone seriously down hill at Walmart (and we all know it has), I’ve taken a lot of my shopping to Target. The store is so clean and they have some really neat merchandise. They take competitor coupons without the arguing you get at Walmart, I have my 5% off card and there’s just something about that bullseye logo.

But lately I’m thinking that Target “team members” are getting a little cocky in their confidence that they are better than Sam Walton’s group and they are letting some things are slide by. I thought I’d give them a friendly word or two of advice because, well, that’s what I do.

Make yourself visible to the guests (Gotta love it…we are not “customers”, we are “guests”.) so if we need you, we don’t have to go all over the store to find you. If you invited a person to your home (a guest), you wouldn’t disappear once this person was seated on your couch, would you? Don’t hide from us. We really aren’t scary. We just occasionally want to ask questions that only you can answer.

If you are stocking a shelf and a guest wants to peruse said shelf, move out of the way. I promise your boss isn’t going to get angry. Trust me, getting my shampoo and taking a cranky 6-year-old out of the store before he has a meltdown is way more important than having all that mousse out of the box.

Cashiers, SMILE! Be friendly. We all know it’s not an exciting job (been there, done that) but make the most of it. I know you’re tired and your feet hurt. There is not a shoe in the world or a gel insert made that feels good after standing in them eight hours every day, it’s a dead end job and the pay really sucks. But you’d be surprised how much faster your time will go or how rewarding it is if you cheer someone up.

And Associates? If someone leaves a crapload of stuff in their buggy, along with a nearly full cup of Starbucks, they definitely will be coming back for it. Especially the coffee. It’s a potty break or they need something in a different aisle. Do not under any circumstances take that cart and put their things back on the shelves. Or throw away the Starbucks. The merchandise can be replaced. But you never touch a person’s coffee.

Author’s note on this last bit: It was only left alone for ten minutes and I was in the next aisle with my boy looking at TMNT figures. You threw away my stinkin’ latté and are damn lucky I only made you dig my notebook out of the trash. I could have done worse.

And just a side note to those who take care of the courtesy phones and price checkers…they need fixed. It doesn’t matter what store I’m talking about because none of them work. Anywhere. Not that I use them much but I thought I’d let you know.

I still love Target; have done so since my first visit so long ago when I lived in Carrollton Texas. It is one of my favorite places to shop but I’m hoping that my kind ideas will take root and be accepted in the manner to which they are intended (lots of love, Target, lots of love).

Well, that’s it. I’ve given y’all a bit of my (other)worldly advice. You may return to your previously scheduled activities.

When Being a Grownup Sucks - Deb's Version

My daughter is a very positive person...who lets things drag her down from time to time. This blog is her version of our conversation recently about how sometimes it sucks being all grown up. I give you Deb Kellye, my first guest blogger...

Close your eyes.  Do it.  Take two deep breaths.  Picture yourself at 12 years old.  It’s summer.  You’re wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  You look around and you see all of your friends with you.  They’re laughing.  You’re all laughing.  Why?  Because you’re 12 years old and it’s summer.  That’s why.  The only thing you had to worry about was whether or not there was more iced tea in the house and if your sunburn would peel.  What’s that buzzing noise in the background?  It’s getting louder.  Now it’s drowning out all of the laughter around you.  That enigmatic noise is making the world in front of your eyes disappear.

That noise is an alarm clock.  You’re not really 12.  It’s 4:30 a.m. and you have to get up and get ready for work.  You’re an adult.  It was just a dream. Gone are the days when all I had to think about was whether or not to paint my toenails to match my fingernails (Lime green).  Gone are the days when I giggled about my high school crush and whether or not he’d like my new hair cut (He said he did, but I think he was lying.).

Credit scores. Taxes. 401Ks. Company Stock Purchase. Loans.  Insurance.  Resumes and cover letters.  Paying bills.  Savings accounts. Retirement. Children.  Car payments.  These are the things that you have to think about now.  Unless you’re a millionaire and can afford it, most of us don’t have the time to sit and think about iced tea and sun burn.

Now I have responsibilities.  Who has time to be carefree when the world is turning and you’re getting older?  The world is so fast paced when you’re older.  Plus you have to know so much stuff.  It’s exhausting.   Why did I have to sit through Algebra 2 and AP Bio in high school when all of these other things were what I should’ve been taught?  Nowhere in my day-to-day life have I ever used numeric proofs or had to know the exact steps that plants take to go through photosynthesis.  I’m 27 years old now and I have to contemplate paying for “Permanent Dismemberment” on my health insurance.

Now, I buy my own groceries.  Pay for the gas in my car.  Pay for a credit card.  Pay for my rent and utilities.  Pay for car insurance and health insurance and renters insurance and all the insurance for all the stuff all the time.  Grownups don’t even get money in their birthday cards! 

I used to believe that once I was ‘out on my own’ life would be great.  I could do what I want, whenever I wanted.  I could go anywhere.  Be anyone.  While that may still be true, at the same time, it’s not.  I can only do what I want when I have the time.  When I’m not obligated to go to work or an appointment.  I can only go anywhere I want if I have my bills paid for the month and I have enough money to get to put gas in my car.  While I can still be anyone I want to be, right now I have to be someone who is employed with a constant paycheck.  It’s all a constant obligation.

I still have hope though.  I try to look for the little things that keep the child in me alive.  Disney movies. Music from the 90s. I even paint my toenails the same lime green from all those years ago.  

 

Oh, and about the prunes my Mum mentioned.  Grownups have to think about crap like that…

(See what I did there?)

When Being a Grownup Sucks

I had a text conversation with my girlie yesterday. I asked her what she was doing and her response was “Ugh…I’m paying bills and eating prunes. Being a grownup sucks.” After much discussion, we decided that the subject of adult suckatude would make for a great blog post. And no, I didn’t ask why she was eating prunes. Too early in the morning.

Adults have too many responsibilities. Remember the days when you were a kid? Do I hear a collective AHHHHH? Oh, yes. Biggest decision of the morning? What to eat for breakfast and what cartoon to watch while eating said breakfast. Clean up your bedroom or wait until Mom yelled at you for the mess? And in the afternoon? You could ride your bike or take the skateboard. Hang out with Cindy or Lisa. Or both. Yeah, they seemed like a big deal at the time but now? Not so much.

As a grownup, there is a job to go to, bills to pay, kids to take care of, a house to look after, vehicle(s) to maintain. Prunes to eat. What…huh? Endless responsibilities.

Adults don’t get to have enough fun. Not saying that I don’t have fun. But it’s different.  Such weightless possibilities for a child. Movies and playgrounds and bike rides. Going to the zoo or the water park. Running with your friends or swimming.

When we grow up, we get a babysitter, go out to a movie or a bar. A fabulous restaurant (as opposed to the usual McDonald’s run). But in the back of your mind, you’re wondering and worrying about what your kids are up to, whether they miss you or need to tell you something. Even if they’re grown, you’re still worrying. Just about different things.

Relationships with the opposite sex. When you’re a boy and you like a girl, you punch her on the playground. But mostly, you just play together. Share your ice cream and marbles (do kids still play with marbles?). But when you grow up, it becomes a lot more complicated. A. Lot. More.

You have the whole should I or shouldn’t I have sex with him thing. Constantly questioning whether this person is THE ONE. Or in some cases, THE second ONE. Shaving your legs above the knee. Meeting the parents. Or the kids. Just too much responsibility. Do you eat the prunes before or after the date…umm, what?

Going to work. While this is not an issue with me…I love my job… a lot of people hate the routine of getting up and going to work. A career with a multitude of responsibilities. Employees to supervise. Managers to satisfy. Kids? When I ask Elijah what he did all day, most often he says “I played, ate, and then played some more.” What a life. If we do have to go to work, why can’t we have summers off just like the kids do?

Medical issues. Most kids, bless their hearts, are healthy. They get skinned knees or the occasional broken bone but for the most part, it’s smooth sailing. They fall down and bounce right back up. I can’t tell you the last time I bounced.

Now I’m pretty healthy but let’s face it. No matter how you take care of yourself, as you age things just start to go wrong. For one, you have the whole DNA thing going. You know, the conditions your parents are so kind to hand down to you. Arthritis, diabetes, cataracts…and that’s just on my Daddy’s side of the family. Fortunately I didn’t get any of those…yet. Even if you eat right and exercise, don’t drink to excess or smoke, some of these things are gonna get you.

Then there is your past coming to bite you in the butt bringing sore knees, back issues and sagging skin (not a medical problem but still a concern). Things you did when you are younger just reminding you that your body did not appreciate going through the torture that you put it through. In my case, softball and working on the farm. Spending hours in the sun.

Personally, I’m enjoying my life. I have problems like everyone else. Some worse, some not so bad as others. But I enjoy my family and friends. I’ve learned a lot from whatever mistakes I’ve made and have grown from them. Being all grown up is not so bad. It just depends on your attitude and how you face whatever life throws at you. I choose to be positive and live life to the fullest.

Now Deb, my little girl, is going to do her own version of why being a grownup sucks. She’ll be my first guest writer on my blog site. I hope you enjoy what her take is. Write on, girlie. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

Of course we have the whole prune issue. Huh…what?

Hello, Samsung? An Update…

I’ve been going to write this for several months but kept putting it off because of other awesome ideas that popped into my head. What other ideas, you ask? Read my blogs. Ok, maybe not so great but they were crowding my thinking process and needed to be set free. Digressing here…

If you read below, you will find my original blog that details the troubles I had with my Samsung dryer and how I was treated by customer service when I called for help. Well, it’s been quite a while since posting my original blog and I thought I’d give you an update on the assistance…or lack thereof…I received from Samsung.

Basically, after months of trying to get someone at Samsung to listen to me, I gave up. But I took some business of theirs with me when I did so. Quite a few people I heard from online were shopping for either a washer or dryer and decided not to purchase a Samsung after reading my blog, not only because of what happened to my dryer but because I was shown such disrespect by customer service, along with their lack of concern and refusal to investigate my problem.

Not only did I reach people via my blog, but also in person as I made the rounds at the local appliance sales type places in search of a new…and more reliable…dryer unit. Every time I saw a person considering a Samsung washer or dryer, I related my story to them. And gained a few new readers as well. Most of them changed their mind about what brand to buy and thanked me for my input.

As for me, I made a purchase. A Maytag Duet (Can it be called a duet when I only bought the dryer or does the washer have to be included I wonder?) and I’m so totally satisfied with my choice. It not only was on sale for much less than the Samsung brand but has a better warranty and, amazingly enough, the customer service representative that I spoke to when I called with a question was not only helpful, he treated me with the respect I was due as a Maytag customer.

So my advice to the Samsung Powers-That-Be would be to remember who pays your light bill. Train your people to be a little more courteous and a lot less high and mighty. I may not have bankrupted your company but I took a little bit out of your wallet. A lot more than you would have spent fixing my dryer.

Original Blog Posted 9/30/14…

When we moved to Louisiana in 2011, my daughter, grandson and I basically came with nothing more than our personal belongings. We filled up my Honda CRV, leaving a small nook in the back for the boy, and what didn't fit, didn't come. No furniture, no television and no washer or dryer. We rented an apartment two weeks after arriving but it looked really empty due to our trip with next to nothing. So we went shopping.

One of the first things I looked into purchasing was a washer and dryer. With a 2-year-old that needed his clothes changed twenty times a day, it was a must.  I picked a great time to buy them as it was right after Thanksgiving. Christmas saving doesn't always have to include toys and clothes and Lowe’s had a great deal on a Samsung set…front loader washer and dryer, $1,200 for the pair.  I researched and found excellent reviews on the brand. I bought them thinking I wouldn't have to replace them for at least ten to fifteen years. They were here and installed within a week.

Fast forward to July 2014. I’m drying a load of clothes in my Samsung DV350AEW/XXA (I’m giving you the model number in case you own one of these babies and want to keep an eye out for what happened to me). After about twenty minutes, the dryer stopped. No warning. Not a sound. It just quit. I’m thinking that maybe a breaker tripped. Yeah, I’m not an electrician but what else could have happened? Well, look at the picture below and you will see exactly what made my dryer stop.

                

Imagine my shock when I opened it up, removed my clothes and saw this. A crack. In my drum. I’m not even going to mention the clothes that were ruined because they were stuck inside the crack (the black marks below the crack are the result of those clothes).

Now I want to first point out that only myself and my daughter have ever used this dryer. We wash our clothes and the boy’s. No uniforms, heavy items, shoes or the like have ever seen the inside of this thing. I work in an office so my things are basic office wear. Small child things. My girlie's workout gear. Just normal clothes. It was not abused in any way, shape or form.

I immediately went to the Samsung website to find out who to contact about this thing and there’s really no information. To get a phone number to call, you need to fill out a “Two Thousand” transaction so that those in charge can figure out (I’m guessing here) if your problem warrants their attention. I did this, got a ticket number (I’m figuring I was deemed worthy of such an honor) and the golden phone number I was seeking. Good deal, I thought, as I dialed the phone. I’m in like Flynn…whoever he is.

My optimism came too quickly as I had approximately two billion callers ahead of me. I put in my blue tooth and took a walk while listening to the same strange ditty over and over. Walked about six miles, came home and made lunch, same ditty is playing. Ate said lunch and did the dishes, same ditty. Took a nap, knitted an afghan…ok, so not really but you get the point.

Finally my call was answered…by someone who spoke very little English. What he said to me, I will most likely never know. I’m sure he was a very nice man but after being on hold for what seemed like a week, my level of frustration rose with every passing minute. My end of the conversation consisted of “Excuse me?” and “I’m sorry?”(repeated ad nauseam) and finally with gritted teeth, “Can you please put someone else on the line? I can’t understand you.” And, oh pennies from heaven, I was transferred!!!

My jubilation came too quickly. He transferred me to Tai (ID #86092), a very competent, pleasant sort. Or so I thought. Oh, she was pleasant but the kind of pleasant that made you want to pull your eyes out through your ears. The kind that tells you she thinks she is superior and you are an idiot. She was “reasonable”. She was an Executive Level Agent. With attitude. The following is the result of my conversation with the executive level of Samsung service:

-My dryer was out of warranty. Duh, I knew that but circumstances, I believed, warranted a second look at this issue. A not quite three-year-old appliance with such a major failure? Could it possibly be a factory defect?

-It was not a factory defect. Because, says Ms. Executive Level Agent, there has never been a report of it happening before. My response? There has to be a first time. Perhaps mine was it? She pooh-poohed that idea out the window. Apparently first times never happen.

-The “Executive Level Agent” in charge of parts was consulted to see if they could, at the very least, provide replacement parts for free. His decision? Oh. Hell. No. My response? Unprintable. Actually, I said nothing to this because by this time, I expected nothing, but the response in my head was definitely unprintable.

-Most Samsung appliances have a life expectancy of approximately ten to twelve years. Your comment makes no sense, I say. Ten years but mine didn't even last three? And who wrote the good reviews of the product that I read when I was considering my purchase, Samsung ad execs? Well maybe I should have purchased a Maytag. The Maytag washer/dryer set that I left with my ex was almost fifteen years old and still going strong. Tai, ID #86092, had no answers to my questions.

-The Executive Level is the highest level I could go for help with Samsung. There was no one else to take my complaint to. Oh, that is where she was so wrong. So very wrong. I’m a blogger. I’m active in social networking. I may not reach too many people but I will reach some. Maybe no one at Samsung will listen but I have others who will. They can’t help me but they will shake their heads in disbelief at the callousness of those who are to be obeyed at Samsung. They will there there me with sympathy. It won’t dry my clothes but I’ll feel a little better.

Anyway, the end result? I got nothing. My gently-used, almost new dryer is not fixed. I am taking my clothes to the laundry to dry them.  I was pleasant and respectful, at least until her pompous attitude made me feel like a lower class citizen and a fool. Someone trying to cheat Samsung into fixing my dryer for nothing. Listen, I’m not trying to get something I don’t deserve. I paid a lot of money for an appliance that did not operate as it should have, for as long as it should have. I honestly feel that my dryer had a factory defect and to that end, I contacted them. I've spent a lot of my time since my phone call doing more research but have come up with nothing that will help me. But at least I tried.

My next step, after posting my blog, is to take my worthless, broken, piece-of-crap Samsung dryer out to the trash with a huge sign that says “THIS PRODUCT SUCKS & I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE!” After doing so, I will make tee shirts for all my friends, neighbors and co-workers that say “Samsung Service = Not”…