What I Wish For Them - Deanna

I’m starting out with my eldest, Deanna. Most people realize that they can’t give their children everything. Even if you had the money, you couldn’t do it because as we all know, the best things…the most important…can’t be bought. Since I don’t have the money anyway, I’ve made a wish list of things that can’t be bought that I want my children to have. Here is my list for Deanna.

A yarn fairy. Deanna is a yarn-a-holic…if she has an extra dollar, she’s going to spend it on yarn. I’m glad she does because she makes beautiful things with her oh-so-clever fingers, as those who have benefited from her talent can attest. She has knitting needles, crochet hooks and looms. All she needs to create those lovely items is yarn. So the yarn fairy that I wish for her would bring her a multitude of skeins in all the colors of the rainbow and more. Yes, she definitely needs one of these.

An endless supply of hot water. If you are well acquainted with Deanna, you also know that she loves to take long, luxurious showers. And if you are the one in the shower after her, you’re definitely taking a cold one. I have always called her my water baby because from the beginning, she has been obsessed with it. Why it takes so long to get that little body clean is beyond my understanding but the endless supply that I wish for her would ensure that she never has to limit her time.

An alarm clock that never rings. And has no need to. So that Deanna can revel in one of her other great loves…sleeping late. Of course, along with this she would need her child to cooperate but that’s a different story. I remember the girl who never slept past 6:00 a.m. when she was a child. I could put her to bed at three in the morning and she would still wake up early. Ready to go. Before I had my coffee. Now she can sloth with the best of ‘em.  So the alarm clock would never ring and Deanna could sleep to her heart’s content…until she had to pee anyway.

99% off of everything in Hobby Lobby. Cause Deanna loves Hobby Lobby and everything in it. They sell whatever a crafty person could ever need, including knitting needles of all sizes, crochet hooks large and small, looms of every shape and size…and yarn. But of course, she won’t need the yarn because she has a fairy to provide that.

A cleaning genie. Because Deanna hates to clean. This genie would wash dishes, scrub bathrooms, vacuum and…most importantly…follow along behind Elijah to pick up what he’s laying down, which is basically everything he owns. Genie would also go through the clutter that Deanna collects (she is a Packrat with a capital P) and disposed of anything that causes my body to twitch. That is pretty much everything she has laying on the floor of her bedroom. I can’t go in there; it makes me break out in a rash and have nightmares. Her room would be tidy and neat; something that it hasn’t been since she graduated from a crib to a big girl bed.

And that is what I wish for Deanna. Keep popping in to see what I think Deb and Elijah should have.

Me in Five Words and Why

I’ve been challenged to describe myself in five words and then tell why I picked those words out of all the many that exist in the universe. Well, seeing as being I’m not really good at talking about myself except in stories, this proved to be a difficult task. But I persevered and here’s what I came up with…

Silly. I can be extremely silly. Because I like to have fun. And I enjoy making people laugh at my silliness. And I especially enjoy dropping down to Elijah’s level and playing at being silly. After that, it just seems to seep into other parts of my life.

Unfiltered. I have no filter. If I think something, I’m gonna say it. Not to offend or hurt anybody. Just because I kept my mouth shut for too long about too many things. And now I don’t have to. So I won’t.

Emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat…figuratively, I mean. I laugh just as much. I love big. Really big. I show everything openly and hope I can teach Elijah to do the same, just as I taught my girls. Because hiding your emotions is not only bad for your health, it’s painful. And unnecessary.

Talkative. This is something I guess I really don’t need to expand upon. Anyone who has met me, even for like three seconds, knows that I never quit talking. I talk to anyone. And any thing. My neighbors think it’s hilarious that I talk to the cats when I sit on my patio. Or a bug when it’s bothering me. If I’m on the phone with my daughter and she’s checking out at the store, I tell her to say hi to the cashier for me. I just enjoy talking.

Attitude. It’s a noun, not an adjective but if you know me, you know it fits. I have an attitude and I’m glad I do. It keeps people from taking advantage. It protects me from those who would try.

And now you know, if you didn’t already, who I am. In five words. And why.

Now that I have completed my challenge, I am to extend it to someone else. So I’m taking it to Tammie Sue Brown over at thegrayingchronicles.wordpress.com (By the way, if you’ve never read her stuff, you really should). Go, little sister. It’s your turn. And don’t forget to pass it on.

Why Parenting a Young Child At My Age Is Not a Good Idea

As you all know, my daughter and her six-year-old son, Elijah, live with me. If you don’t know, then you don’t read many of my blogs and you should be. With my daughter’s new work schedule, I am taking an even more active role in Elijah’s day-to-day care. Getting him ready for bed. Getting him ready for school and all that entails. Driving him to before care. Taking care of him on the weekends. It’s a huge adjustment and I’ve realized now why God in his infinite wisdom decided to cut off childbearing for women at a certain age.

Number one is lack of patience. As you get older you are supposed to gain it but when dealing with a child, especially this one, I’ve learned that I have less than I had when my own kids were his age. Probably because he is a boy and another part because he is a little more…or a lot more…to handle than they were. Into EVERYTHING. Curious about EVERYTHING. Wanting EVERYTHING. I’m exhausted beyond belief at the end of the day.

Of course there is a lack of energy. Because see paragraph above.

Number three would be lack of free time. I’m used to picking up and going wherever, whenever. Now I have to make sure Elijah is wearing clean clothes, doesn’t have snot or something equally gross on his face and goes pee before we get out the door. Oh, and everywhere we go, he has to be wearing something weird. A ninja mask. A sword or two tucked into the back of his shirt. A turtle shell with a strange hat or shoes. And God forbid if he should happen to leave something behind. That is EPIC. When we arrive at wherever, whenever, I have to get him out of the car. Now with normal kids, this isn’t a problem. You open the back door, unbuckle the child and get to where you want to be. With him, you have to argue about why swords/guns/toys have to stay in the car. “Because weapons are not allowed in public places.” or “They’ll think you stole that power ranger if you take it in the store”. Or “BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!!” Which is usually how it ends up.

Next would be a lack of ideas. Because Elijah is so gosh darn precocious, it takes a lot of activities to keep him occupied and out of trouble. He’s always bored (insert annoying, whiny voice here). And when he’s bored, he gets into a lot of trouble. You can read previous blogs to see the numerous ways he gets himself in hot water. So I need to come up with good ideas to stimulate his already overactive brain. Especially with the cold winter we just had and the so-far rainy spring. As a for instance, this past weekend, it was raining. What to do, what to do? One of the ideas was travel. Not outside. In his bedroom. We sat on his bed, pulled the blankets over our faces, “blasted off” (there was a lot of boy spit involved in this) and landed in another location. We went to a farm, the Amazon Rain Forest and to the moon, among other equally fabulous places. Then we described what we were “seeing.” Fun. And imaginative, if I do say so myself. Well done, Yaya.

 Then we played hide and seek. With a conversation that went like this:

Elijah: “I’m hiding, Yaya. You need to find me.”

Me: “Ok.” Not moving from my spot lying on the floor. Due to aforementioned lack of energy.

Elijah: “Are you looking for me?”

Me: “Yup.” Still not moving.

Elijah: “Um, you actually have to get up to look for me.”

Me: “Mmmhmm. Looking.”

Elijah: Gets up and tells me with a loud laugh…”I was under my covers the whole time!!!”

Me: “I know. I saw you hide there. If you want to really hide, you can’t let the other person see where you go.”

Elijah: “Oh.”

Fortunately, I am blessed with the talent to do two things at once, like nap and play games simultaneously.

My other activity ideas include going to Toy’s R Us, which he thinks is so cool. It’s like going to visit a friend who has pretty much every single toy in the world. One weekend we spent at the local swamp doing a tour, which was the “absolute coolest.” Snakes and junk. Next weekend is the annual visit to the zoo. I’m really beginning to hate the zoo but it keeps him amused so who’s to argue. At this point, I’ll do anything legal. Because you can only watch so much television.

Ah, then there is a lack of sleep. The boy NEVER sleeps through the night. In fact, when he does, I give him a treat. Or a dollar. Hey, I’m not above bribing the child so I can get some rest. But he either has to pee (must have the smallest bladder in the history of six-year-olds), has a bad dream or is cold. Or he just had a thought that I needed to hear immediately. I mean like right now. At 3:00 a.m.

Lastly, there is a lack of blog time. But then again, with him, I have an unlimited amount of things to blog about so I guess there is a payoff. When I get the time. I have a lot of sticky notes with ideas written down. Maybe someday…

So that’s why I quit having babies after I hit twenty-five. I’m sure my daughters are relieved. But not as much as I am. Because this is harder than you think.

Today is 17 Years

Seventeen years ago, God took him home. A father and mother lost a son. Three kids lost a brother. Grandparents a grandchild. Our lives were forever changed.

Connor was only meant to be here for four and a half short years. But he made a difference in those years. He changed hearts. He loved his family. He brought joy.

I always think about what he’d be like today. What he would look like at almost 22. What career path he would have chosen. At four, he wanted to be just like Michael Jordan. If he had grown up, who knows?

When I think about him, I miss him. But then, I realize how much he has gained. He is with Jesus. And I just smile.

Thanks, little guy, for the memories and the love.

What I’ve Learned…Now That I’ve Thought About It

Sometimes when I think about my life and where I’ve been (which I try not to do too often because I like to look forward), I wonder about some of the choices I’ve made and what they mean as far as lessons learned. How they impact where I’m going in the future. These are some of what I’ve been taught, by people who mean the world to me.

1. Marriage can be good and if you’re blessed, it can last forever. While I haven’t been blessed with this, I have proof of it with quite a few of my friends…Lynn and Bill, Amy and Mike, Neil and Martha Ann, Gina and John…just to name a few. It takes work. But it doesn’t have to be all work. A few little things make all the difference in the world. Love, of course, is the most important thing. There is also mutual respect, a shared faith and laughter. I think that learning to respect each other’s differences and accept them is a big key. Spending time apart is almost as important as spending time together. As my mother would say, you don’t have to be joined at the hip. When you put all of these things together, it doesn’t…or shouldn’t…seem like work. It should be growth.

2. Some friendships can last a lifetime, no matter the distance. And you don’t even have to talk to each other that often. Of course, social media makes it very easy to keep in touch with the lives of those who matter to you but I have friends that I haven’t seen much in years that I know I can call, no matter what the issue, and they would know how to cheer me up or talk to me like we’ve never been apart…Gina, Christina, Amy, Lynn, Josie and Cindy…just to name a few. They KNOW me. They know my history and my personality. I know a lady from college (yes, Leigh Ann, I’m talking about you) that I hadn’t seen in more than twenty years. We met up again on Facebook through a mutual friend and there she was all of a sudden at the funeral home when my Daddy died. What a blessing. And even though the occasion was solemn, it was like we had never been apart. She was there when I needed her. And that’s what friendship is all about, isn’t it? Being there for each other? I need this; I believe that everyone does.

3. Be yourself, no matter what. Whether you are entering into a relationship with someone…because if you are getting acquainted with a person, shouldn’t you let them learn the real you? Or interviewing for a job…don’t be someone you’re not. You won’t be able to keep up the pretense for very long. Most importantly, you want to show everyone who you really are. What you really like or dislike. What you care the most about. Isn’t that more important than impressing people? I think it is. I also don’t think you should have to change who you are to be in a relationship with someone. They either love you for who you really are or they don’t love you at all.

4. Sometimes it’s ok to do nothing all day. I am one of those people who, if I’m not doing anything, I feel lazy. I need to be contributing to something, even if it’s only organizing a closet or making a snack. I have never gotten the hang of being a sloth. I grew up on a farm. There was always something to do and if you couldn’t find something, one of my parents would find it for us. And what they found would not be much fun. So we kept ourselves active. Exploring the wooded areas around the property, swinging on vines. Playing with the pets. Digging mud holes. Yes, the woman I am now used to make mud pies…I shudder to think of the dirt under my nails. But back to my point, you can lay around, watching TV or reading a book. Play a game on the computer. Sit on your porch swing. It’s really ok. With stress levels high in our lives, we all need to decompress occasionally. I still have to kinda force myself still to do it… without falling asleep…but I believe it is a necessity in my busy life. And, of course, if I fall asleep, well a nap is good too. And we all know how much I love my naps.

I’ve learned more than this of course, but these are the highlights; the others are not what I really want to share. I hope that I let them help guide me to where I am going and where I need to be. With these things and God’s grace, how can I possibly lose?

What's Left In Your Suitcase?

I recently read an article about an asylum in New York where, in 1995, they found luggage dated from the 1800’s (If you want to read the article, go here http://www.wimp.com/suitcasefound/. It’s pretty cool.). Anyway, the story talks about the really interesting stuff they found in these suitcases that were left at the asylum by the inmates who had passed away there. Interesting as in strange. There was a clock, shoe polish, clothes, photos (of course) and a broom (?), among other things. Yes, you absolutely need to read it.

So it got me to thinking…as things of this matter always do…what I would leave in a suitcase for people to find a hundred or more years later? This is pretty much what I came up with. Just off the top of my pointed head.

First, I would leave my Bible. Because one, I write a lot of personal thoughts in there. Not always something that anyone would understand, except maybe my kids, but I can imagine a stranger in the future thinking “Was this lady nuts?” Of course, the answer would be “no but she was a little ‘different’”. And two, because they will need to read it because it’s important.

Family photos because what’s a time capsule-ish leftover without a few pictures. Then the futuristic ones can laugh at the style of our clothes and hair. And remark on how exceptionally beautiful my family was. Not me, of course. I have no illusions about beauty (mine is inner). But my babies are just gorgeous.

One of my favorite books. I haven’t decided which one yet but it has to be, I think, something that has no historical meaning whatsoever. Because basically, too much history is boring. I’m thinking a fluff novel or something like that. One that makes these people ask “What’s a cell phone?” or “Cars moved on land?” or “They actually gave birth to their children?” Or…”What the hell is a throbbing manhood anyway?”

I was considering a computer, laptop type, but they would probably laugh at how prehistoric our technology was. I mean, they are most likely going to be flying around sort of George Jetson-like, being beamed up like Scotty. Their computers are going to be so over the top that Cox Bundle is going to look like the stone age. I wonder if they are going to call this century the stone age? We call it digital but we are so backward compared to what they have, right?

How about a paycheck? Oh, hell no. I don’t mind them thinking I’m crazy but to have them know how little I earned is not going to happen. Then they’ll be thinking “She was not only nuts but she was stupid too. Look at how small her earning potential was.”

My curling iron, flatiron, hair dryer and hot rollers. Just because. By then they won’t be operational anyway. Give those new age people something to scratch their heads about. “She was into torture?”

Well, that’s pretty much what I’ve come up with. By now you are shaking your head and wondering if perhaps I should stop reading articles that give me ideas. But I won’t. And sooner or later (and I’m sure it’ll be sooner), I’m going to come up with another blog about some inane idea that will have you shaking your head. But before I do, I will ask you this … what would you leave behind? What would your suitcase hold?

What Are You Thankful For?

I recently read a book by Max Lucado called Before Amen (Good book, you should read it). In one chapter, he listed things he was thankful for by the alphabet, which I thought was a really cool idea. So I decided to make up one of my own. It took me a long time because it’s not something that just comes to your head…at least not to mine. I did a lot of thinking and here is what I came up with.

A: Animals. We’ve had cats, dogs, bunnies and guinea pigs as pets. I’ve watched deer and turkey in my yard and birds in the sky. Chased cows, pigs and chickens. Doesn’t matter. They are all beautiful. Except for vultures. Nasty looking things.

B: My Bible. The answer is always in there and no matter how many times I read it, I learn something new. When I was growing up, it was sacred…as it should be. You kept it pristine, which is not necessary, as I now know. The one I use? There are so many notes written in the margins to remind me of where I was when I read that part or things that I didn’t understand and looked up. It’s a Max Lucado Bible, ironically enough.

C: Cats. Specifically the strays that come to my door every day begging for food. In the last three years, they have gone from running when they saw me to rubbing against me and asking to be petted. They show me a lot of love and make me miss my pets from my former life a lot less. And chocolate. Because what would the world be without it?

D: Daughters. Mine. Deanna and Deb. Two of the three loves of my life. They make me proud. They make me laugh, they make me cry. They make me angry and frustrate the hell out of me. But most of all, they make me feel loved and like I did something extremely right in my life.

E: Elijah. The interruption in my sleep. The mess in my house. The stain on my carpet. The ache in my bones (after football or wrestling or ninja battles). But mostly? The third love of my life. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s interesting. He’s just the best.

F: My faith. Necessary for all things in life. And forgiveness, both giving and getting.  And fruit. And fun.

G: God. What can I say? Without Him, I would have nothing, be nothing.

H: Happiness. I have it now and I’m so thankful for it.

I: Imagination. I was blessed with a great one. It’s kinda wacky. A little out there. I love using it.

J: Jesus. The greatest gift anyone could ever receive. Who else would make such a sacrifice?

K: Knowledge. I’m not the smartest crayon in the box but I have some knowledge to pass on to my kids. Keyboard is another one. My musical one, so I can play the music I love and my laptop one so I can communicate with my friends and family. And also write the silliness that keeps popping up in my head.

L: Love from my family and laughter. Mostly when the two go together. We have an ample supply of both in our house.

M: Money to pay my bills. Why would I put this on here? Because I work hard to earn mine. And for that, I’m thankful. For both the opportunity and the ability. There’s not much left at the end of the bill paying but we make it.

N: Naps. When I have the opportunity to take one. They refresh me. They give me all too rare time to myself.

O: Oliver. I’m not going to elaborate on this one. I’m just thankful.

P: My parents. They loved me. They raised me to be the strong person that I am. They taught me right from wrong. And I miss them so much.

Q: Questions from my little guy. Especially the ones that I’m able to answer. These days, that’s asking a lot because he really is a smart and thoughtful young guy.

R: Rest at the end of a long day. If I’m lucky enough to get some. I’m happy to get what I can. Along with root beer. A&W is the best.

S: My salvation. It’s mine and can never be taken away from me.

T: Tears. I shed them on a regular basis. They cleanse me. And relieve my stress. And my tattoos. Cause they’re pretty.

U: Ugliness. Because it helps me to realize how much beauty there is in the world. And it helps me to see that beauty more clearly.

V: Vegetables that are so yummy in my tummy. Now if I could only get Elijah to eat them.

W: The words that constantly roll around in my head, occasionally coming out to form a blog or add a chapter to one of my books. Sometimes they even make sense.

X: Exits that will take me on my next journey. Yeah, it doesn’t start with x but it’s close. And I believe my journey is even closer.

Y: You. Yes, you. The one who is reading this right now. If it weren’t  for you, I would have no reason to write. And yogurt. One has nothing to do with the other. I just love yogurt.

Z: My zest for life. I am living the life I was always meant to. I am enjoying it. I am happy. Oh, and zoos. Because they are filled with all those lovely animals.

This is my list. Do you have one? Maybe mine made you think about your own. I certainly hope so because if it didn’t, then what’s the point? Thanks, Max, for getting my thoughts rolling. It was an awesome exercise.