As the Christmas season approaches, I am putting aside my usual snarky and often quirky writing style to bring you something meaning and heartfelt. Hey, I’m allowed to be poignant and weepy once a year, right? Christmas always makes me think about how a lot of those I love aren’t with me anymore and how I would like to have one more conversation with each of them. To tell them one more thing that I may not have said while they were still here to listen. And so I give you, in no particular order of importance, a Christmas message to some of those I have lost.
Barb and Dick, my former in-laws. I’m sorry for the way our relationship ended. We were so close at one time but we let issues and circumstances come between us. It should not have been that way because of our deep feelings for each other but more importantly, because of the beautiful angels we shared. We had such wonderful holidays together; Christmas Eve with midnight mass and opening gifts in front of the fireplace, spiced wine and cookie baking. I wish we could do it again. Thinking of those times this season and wishing things had been different in the end.
My daddy. As I watched you get older and more ill, I saw your frustration trying to accomplish things you couldn’t do anymore and I ached for you. But even with all of your medical issues, you never lost the joy you had in your grandchildren and they all adored you. There’s another great-grandchild coming for you in the spring and I’m sure you would fall in love with her as soon as you saw her, just like you did with all of the others. Christmas was a beautiful time with you because you had so much spirit in your giving. All of the grandkids share that love of giving gifts and of themselves. I will think of you much this year as I watch my own grandson open his prizes on Christmas morning and smile as I remember you doing the same. PS I’m still working too hard and too much. Maybe I’ll slack off next year.
Me mummy. As you lay in bed year after year, your body was wasting away but your faith and gentleness remained. I thank you for the lessons you taught me and how you led by example. Most evident of these lessons was Christmas, where you showed that while giving gifts was important, it was reason we did it that was of highest value. I was grateful for our last holiday together because although you couldn’t speak to me, you could give me that special mom-hug that always warmed my heart. I’ll miss you this year as always.
Connor Lee, my son and my best bud. I truly believe you were only supposed to be here for a short time but I so wish it could have been longer. I wonder often what you would be like at nineteen and if we would still be as close as we were when you left me at four. Our last Christmas together was a banner one. Michael Jordan everything and your squeals of joy. Giggles and tickles. A happy day from beginning to end and it’s on video for me to watch when I someday get the courage to do so. I would like to have one last hug and kiss but I’ll settle for the memories of the happy little boy that you were. I will think of you especially on Christmas morning, of the way you enjoyed it with your whole being.
Baby boy. I don’t know whether you were a boy or a girl but I have my suspicions. Instinct tells me you were a son. I didn’t get to meet you but I know I will some day. Daddy and I would have loved to have held you at least once but we didn’t get that privilege. Christmas would have been even more joyous that year if you could have joined us. I would have watched you and your sister opening gifts, laughing with giddiness, but it was not to be. I will think of you this year and wonder.
Jessica, my niece. You learned some hard lessons in your short life and I know the burden of those was a heavy load to carry. Mostly I really wish I would have known you better. Not the tough person you allowed the world to see but the beautiful girl you kept hidden inside. When you left us, you should know that the best gift you gave was the little girl you left behind for us to enjoy. She is spunky, intelligent and tireless. A wonderful remembrance of the child that you were before life showed you the rougher side of things. I will think of that child this Christmas and your daughter who still embraces all that is good in this world.
The losing is difficult, all but one within the last twelve years, but the remembrance makes the grief easier to bear. In this season of giving, it is very easy to get lost in the commercial side of things but in allowing myself to think of them, I keep the real meaning of Christmas close to me. Much as those mentioned above are close in my heart with the memories they have left me and being able to share them in this message. Merry Christmas, readers. And thank you.
Barb and Dick, my former in-laws. I’m sorry for the way our relationship ended. We were so close at one time but we let issues and circumstances come between us. It should not have been that way because of our deep feelings for each other but more importantly, because of the beautiful angels we shared. We had such wonderful holidays together; Christmas Eve with midnight mass and opening gifts in front of the fireplace, spiced wine and cookie baking. I wish we could do it again. Thinking of those times this season and wishing things had been different in the end.
My daddy. As I watched you get older and more ill, I saw your frustration trying to accomplish things you couldn’t do anymore and I ached for you. But even with all of your medical issues, you never lost the joy you had in your grandchildren and they all adored you. There’s another great-grandchild coming for you in the spring and I’m sure you would fall in love with her as soon as you saw her, just like you did with all of the others. Christmas was a beautiful time with you because you had so much spirit in your giving. All of the grandkids share that love of giving gifts and of themselves. I will think of you much this year as I watch my own grandson open his prizes on Christmas morning and smile as I remember you doing the same. PS I’m still working too hard and too much. Maybe I’ll slack off next year.
Me mummy. As you lay in bed year after year, your body was wasting away but your faith and gentleness remained. I thank you for the lessons you taught me and how you led by example. Most evident of these lessons was Christmas, where you showed that while giving gifts was important, it was reason we did it that was of highest value. I was grateful for our last holiday together because although you couldn’t speak to me, you could give me that special mom-hug that always warmed my heart. I’ll miss you this year as always.
Connor Lee, my son and my best bud. I truly believe you were only supposed to be here for a short time but I so wish it could have been longer. I wonder often what you would be like at nineteen and if we would still be as close as we were when you left me at four. Our last Christmas together was a banner one. Michael Jordan everything and your squeals of joy. Giggles and tickles. A happy day from beginning to end and it’s on video for me to watch when I someday get the courage to do so. I would like to have one last hug and kiss but I’ll settle for the memories of the happy little boy that you were. I will think of you especially on Christmas morning, of the way you enjoyed it with your whole being.
Baby boy. I don’t know whether you were a boy or a girl but I have my suspicions. Instinct tells me you were a son. I didn’t get to meet you but I know I will some day. Daddy and I would have loved to have held you at least once but we didn’t get that privilege. Christmas would have been even more joyous that year if you could have joined us. I would have watched you and your sister opening gifts, laughing with giddiness, but it was not to be. I will think of you this year and wonder.
Jessica, my niece. You learned some hard lessons in your short life and I know the burden of those was a heavy load to carry. Mostly I really wish I would have known you better. Not the tough person you allowed the world to see but the beautiful girl you kept hidden inside. When you left us, you should know that the best gift you gave was the little girl you left behind for us to enjoy. She is spunky, intelligent and tireless. A wonderful remembrance of the child that you were before life showed you the rougher side of things. I will think of that child this Christmas and your daughter who still embraces all that is good in this world.
The losing is difficult, all but one within the last twelve years, but the remembrance makes the grief easier to bear. In this season of giving, it is very easy to get lost in the commercial side of things but in allowing myself to think of them, I keep the real meaning of Christmas close to me. Much as those mentioned above are close in my heart with the memories they have left me and being able to share them in this message. Merry Christmas, readers. And thank you.
I didn't know you lost a son, so sorry .Have a great Christmas Susan, God bless you & your family.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Barbara, I just saw this comment. Thanks. I hope your Christmas was merry.
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